File under "I'm way too easily amused sometimes"

What better after gorging on sushi on a Saturday lunch than to take take a walk through Chinatown and feed my current fad for bubble tea, then pop into the bookshop to kill time just because they have toilets and comfy chairs and it's an opportunity to have a look at what what books I could be buying if I wasn't trying to reduce the number I already have (vivid memories of the number of boxes they represent and how heavy they get and the upcoming move dictating restraint blah blah blah).

All the better to witness the curious sense of humour of the staff who arrange the displays.

Under the "Feel Great in 2008" banner, what else would you expect but such uplifting titles as Esther Rantzen's "How to have a good death", "The Lucifer Effect : How good people turn evil" and "Singing the life - the story of a family in the shadow of cancer".

The display is reproduced here thanks to Tim and his trusty mobile phone. 

Grrrreat
20.1.08 23:40


Meet consultant Mulder

The postman has brought the letter confirming the date for "teh lobotomy" (not really, I'd need that like a hole in the head).

Having met the consultant, I am hoping her skills are as good as her bedside manner is odd. It is fair to say that the encounter didn't do much to reduce the level of worry to something more suited to the benign and routine nature of the intervention (thanking Fimb for her insight and insider's info)

On meeting me her first question, actually it was her only question before she asked me to hop on the bed, anyway, her first question was: was I married. I found it rather odd. I was not aware that signing a bit of paper, putting on a ring and taking on another man's name had a profound effect on the body but I clearly must be mistaken since she nodded happily when I replied no. The GP whose office she was using and who was present throughout the consultation looked as puzzled as I was by the question.

As she examined me she asked if I'd had any surgery since the birth of The Boy. She did not appear to like or believe my negative answer. In the course of the few minutes the examination took she asked the question no less than 3 times, and to each negative answer questioned again "are you sure?". With every yes answer she scrunched her face. The quizmaster was not going to let me win the prize that easily and she repeated the question again once the examination was over.

"Why didn't you just ask her what made her so sure you must have had surgery since?" asked MFC as I told him of he weird exchange. It would have been a sensible question I guess.

The truth? I didn't ask because all along I was trying really hard not to have "lack of social filter moment" in the surgery. What with the nice GP there and not wanting to appear too crazy and irrational so I could put my point across when options were discussed and my prefered option turned out not to be that that the consultant favours.

I was stopping myself from just blurting out "of course I am sure, you fish! It's only been 10 years and my notes don't say I have early onset alzheimer's if I had had surgery I would remember? The only way I would have had surgery and not remembered it would be if I was abducted by aliens and my memory was wiped and that's not very likely is it?".

21.1.08 19:51


Caterring for all kinds of food allergies

As The Boy keeps an eye on the softening onion and I ponder on adding a second glove of garlic to the pan.

"What do you think? Does it smell garlicky enough to you or shall I peel and chop another one?"

"I don't know Mummy. It's probably best to stick with one. You never know, I might have to kiss a vampire tonight and I wouldn't want to make it all sick with my garlic breath." 

I don't know what happens at night in his bedroom but from the sounds of it it's probably best that way. 

 
24.1.08 21:59


Click those heels Dorothy

Swiped from Violet . Since I am moving soon I can even reuse it in a month's time. Same set of questions and a bunch of different answers.

When you walk in your front door, which room do you enter?
A little entrance hall which leads to the staircase to the main living area.

Do you have a dishwasher?
Nope. I occasionally enlist the help of my favourite 10 year old kitchen slave to dry the dishes but I have not let him loose with the sponge and washing up liquid yet.

Is your living room carpeted or does it have hardwood floors?
It's split in 2 parts, one third hardwood and 2 thirds carpet.

Do you keep your kitchen knives on the counter or in a drawer?
Depends, there's a fairly blunt set in a knife block, the sharpest ones I use the most on the magnetic holder and some paring knives in the drawer.

House, apartment, duplex or trailer?
It's a flat on 3 floors.

How many bedrooms is it?
2. The second bedroom is study size.

Gas stove or electric?
Gas hob, electric oven.

Do you have a yard?
Nope

What size TV is in the living room?
Not sure, you'd have to ask Him Indoors, it used to be his TV. If I had to guess I'd say 19 or 20".

Are your plates in the same cupboard as your cups?
Everyday crockery is all in the same cupboard, the nice stuff is in the cupboard in the living room.

Is there a coffee maker sitting on your kitchen counter?
Nope. There's a bodum in the cupboard for when MFC or my parents come to visits. My tipple is tea. I never got past the disappointment that the taste of coffee is next to the intoxicating smell of it.

What room is your computer in?
The desktop is in the living room. The laptop is either in my bedroom (to watch DVDs), the living room (if The Boy is on the desktop playing games or researching material for homework) or the kitchen (when trying a new recipe with mor ingredients and instructions than I am willing to shorthand).

Are there pictures hanging in your living room?
A frame full of pictures of The Boy as a baby. The rest ar scattered along the vast expanse of windowsill (huge amounts of windows is the best thing about the flat)

Are there any themes found in your home?
If terminal hoarder is a theme then yes probably.

What kind of laundry detergent do you use?
I like Persil but I chepastaked out the last time I went shopping and bought the little tablets of Aldi's own brand. I can't say I'm a big fan of the smell of it but it does the job.

Do you use dryer sheets?
I don't have a dryer

Curtains in your home?
Yes, cream ones in the living room and the master bedroom and thick canvas colour ones in The Boy's room, since he declared himself too old for the printed type.

What color is your fridge?
White and covered in magnets and paperwork.

Is your house clean?
It's very messy and looking worse than usual as I have started collecting cardboard boxes with packing for the move in mind. The plan is to lighten up the load by freecycling a chunk of it. Mind you de-cluttering was also part of the plan the last time I moved. The intention is there, we'll see how well the implementation works.

What room is the most neglected?
The entrance hall. It's full of empty cardboard boxes at a the moment which a colleague at work puts aside for me. The pile is growing weekly.

Are the dishes in your sink/dishwasher clean or dirty?
Dirty - why would I put clean dished in the sink?

How long have you lived in your home?
10 months today.

Where did you live before?
Zone 5. As much as I like The Boy being able to walk to school by himself I still don't feel like I fit in in Surrey and the lack of corner shops is still a bit of a culture shock to me.

Do you have one of those fluffy toilet lid covers on your toilet?
Let's imagine fore a few seconds that I was the sort of person who likes fluffy toilet lid covers (I know it requires a rather fertile imagination but it's only for a few seconds so have a go)... right now remember who else lives in this household... yep 10 year old little boy. Little boy + things that can't be wiped clean within target range in a toilet = insanity (or a higher tolerance to the smell of stale urine than I mine at the very least).

Do you have a scale anywhere in your house?
Nope, I bake by volume rather than weight.

How many mirrors are in your house?
3? The cabinet in the bathroom, an almost full length on eon the landing and a small one in the bedroom for those days when I decide I need all the help I can get from concealer or that seeing what I am doing when brushing my hair might improve the result.

Look up. What do you see?
A set of shelves designed to hold a whole lot of CDs which has been filled instead with a bunch of my hoardings, things like origami paper, photo printing paper, a Dr Who egg cup, a bunch of dictionaries, a set of free London cycle maps, a die cast concorde, The Boy's rugby medals and trophies, the clown figurines that used to belong to my friend Joan, shell casing vases, one of my grandfather's pipes, a stamp which says "I haven't got time to read this crap", a bunch of mini penguin books from their 60th Anniversary, a mother's day card The Boy made for me, some memory the computer has outgrown, earplugs from the day at the grand-prix at Silverstone (this is a listing of only about half of the contents of the shelves - Mr Trebus would be so proud).

Do you have a garage?
Yes.

28.1.08 22:00


As if my ears weren't sore enough as it is

Dealership guy talking to other dealership employee about yet another dealership employee "he's a right Indian of a Polish [sic]". 
30.1.08 21:16


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