I went to Ikea yesterday. It was not a good idea (is it ever ?). Why ? The closest I came to a New Year resolution was to go with the flow when Him Indoors went into a sorting out frenzie the other day. I am a hoarder and I am not known for my tidyness (kitchen cupboards being the only notable exception). I have decided to go with the flow and let him get on with it because Him Indoors was threatening again to call that terrible woman from Life Laundry. My colaboration so far has been limited. I have nodded here and there when he has asked if some thing or other could be thrown or recycled (when I said no he asked a number of questions about the last time the item was used/looked at etc and did I even know I had it - the swine...). A pile of clothes has been bagged ready to go to the charity shop - magazines have been disposed of. Him Indoors pointed out that putting fresh lavender smelling wooden balls in the cupboards and taking out the old ones did not quite count as a contribution to the great tyding up effort. So I thought of what could be done which was with in my capabilities ie did not involve any sorting out or throwing of any sort. I bought some new plastic boxes to put in the utility room to organise the laundry (one for whites, one for dark colours, one for light colours and one for delicates - see my autistic side is resurfacing - if Him Indoors is not carefull I will start listing the contents of the freezer on the door again). The idea is that the boxes are just big enought to fit a load so when it is full, whoever put in the last item should transfer the contents of the box to the washing machine (a whole 2 feet away) and put it on. I can just see how it works in theory. Not sure about the implementation. I also thought maybe we could get some shelves and some bookcases so that we could tidy up the office and get rid of a) the shelves above the desk which are buckling and b) the cardoard boxes full of books which currently clutter the dining room. I could have bought some wood, have it delivered and made something (after all, as Him Indoors pointed out, I do have a city and guilds in basic woodwork and the necessary hand and power tools). But I though that there are enough of my unfinished projects cluttering the house. With the time it takes me to make a mortice joint it may have been a while before the carcasses got given doors. I could have asked the facilities manager to come round and quote me for some lovely made to mesure shelves but for some reaseon I dismissed the idea as too expensive before even checking with him. Instead I went for the lazy, cheap and tacky option and armed with the mesuring tape a piece of paper and the Ikea catalogue, I tried to work out to get as many books as possible in the office while not blocking the window and still keeping enough room for the potted plant and for the chair to swivel. I made the most of being able to leave work at 1500 (reduced service during over the Christmas/New Year period) and set of for Wembley. That is when the madness of the entreprise came to light. I knew the items would need to be delivered to me (I cannot put a 2 m long parcel in the back of my car). Any other supplier would have given me the opportunity to place the order over the phone or on the Internet. Even John Lewis does it for crying out loud, and they are not known for their modernity. But no, not Ikea. I read somewhere that the Partners have the exclusive use of green ink in the company so that if you receive a green memo you know instantly it comes from the top (how progressive). When the company introduced e-mail communication they carried on the tradition by using a green coloured font for e-mails from the top. Mind you I like John Lewis very much and when I am master of the universe and don't have to pay for anything I will buy all my groceries from Waitrose. Anyway, 1 hour 50 minutes and 12 miles later I parked and remembered they have a sale on. Now anybody who has been to the Ikea sale knows they never have anything worth buying in the reduced items, or if there is the reduction is so stupidly small that it makes you regret having queued for the privilege of experiencing the life of a warehouse operative for half an hour. So why do people still get taken in and go to Ikea in packs when the sale is on ? Wrongly I assumed that if I wanted to do was to have some bookcases delivere to my house all I would have to do was go to a desk, get confirmation the stuff was in stock, place the order, pay and get out. It is Ikea we are talking about and The Experience would not be complete if I avoided: walking around the shop following the arrows, trying to locate the articles I wanted to buy, taking note of the location of the objects/parts in the warehouse, pushing a trolley around the warehouse to find that a couple of the item are not at the said locations, waiting in line at the "information" desk to be advised the items where in the process of being put in location and that I would have to queue at the other desk in the other part of the warehouse to find out about the stupid doors of the stupid bookcases because it's another area and he does not know about it. By then I thought it is probably very unwise of them to have a kitchen section which contains knives to which I could go back in a flash if I was mad enough to attempt to walk against the flow. After collecting the last bits (with the help of a nice fellow sufferer who could see the madness in my eyes and helped me load the trolley with the items marked "over 25 kg - to be handled by a minimum of 2 people for safety" before I could grab a folding chair and use it as a blunt object) I went to the till and then to the delivery point and last but not least in the line of traffic which was trying to get back to the North Circular. I am proud to say I managed the whole thing without blowing a fuse or even throwing a mega strop. I must be mellowing in my old age. Mind you, The Ikea Experience is not over. I will still have to put the shelves up on Tuseday when they are delivered (if all goes well).
It did not even seem like a good idea at the time.
3.1.04 22:28
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(3.1.04 23:03) clicked on your blog randomly.... it had me laughing for a full 10 mins! :D |
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Lisa (5.1.04 12:53) Ah, we were at the Lakeside Ikea on Friday night. We both lost the will to live. Several times. |
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razorhead (5.1.04 15:46) never /ever/ go to ikea. There is special circle of hell dedicate to its creator |
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(5.1.04 19:35) Feels good to know I am not the only one. |
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(5.1.04 22:10) Well done, Ikea,,,,,,prozac need to enter that building, or car park, Why do couples talk to each other throuhg clench teath Darling in Ikea. love the 'meat balls' |
