After a few unsuccessfull attempts I am trying a bigger font again at Mark's request. Martine and Blork invite us to talk about moments that made us feel really alive. I had a thought about it and I worry a bit that most of them relate to my "slapper days". Wonder what it says about me and my current life. I am still alive but maybe these days I live through somebody else's emotions first and mine second. I talked to a collegue about it and she puts it down to having a happy settled family life where the focus shifts to a different person. Maybe she is right. Anyway here is my pick (minus the more slapperish ones). Driving down country lanes to Cirencester with some friends in my old fiat panda, with the soft top roof open and the stereo blaring out Happy Mondays tunes. A couple of "groupie" days back in the early 90's. After stepping in to help with translation at an acoustic session for a minor band, the band invited me for the evening out and put me on the guest list for their gig the next day. After the gig I went to the restaurant with them and later clubbing with the bass player, then spent the night in his hotel room. There was a great sense of emergency. The week-end at a beetle rally in Santa Pod in the mid 90's. I should have hated it (all looking at cars and watching drag racing), I didn't. I had gone with a few friends from work who owned bugs. We met some of their friends there. We put the tent up under the drizzle, slept on bare ground, ate burnt food from an old barbecue. It was fantastic. The mood was great, nothing mattered, we were all mellow, including the random setting on the car stereo cd player. For the space of a week-end life became good again, it was worth carrying on with it for the good bits. No more work rubbish and forgetting the already crumbling relationship with The Boy's Father. Walking to the town centre to catch a bus to work after spending the night with he who shall be refered to as The One I Never Had having got more than I thought I would but still not quite all that I wanted. I felt so alive despite the lack of sleep. "Pulling" a random chap in a pub just because my friend had pointed him out to me as cute. Life felt like something I could control for a few hours. Sad I suppose even though it did not feel like it at the time. Last summer at my best friend's PACS celebration party (sort of a not quite a wedding civil ceremony in France - for people who live together to officialise their relationship - includes gay relationships). He had told me a common friend (L.)could not come and had told her the same about me. Seeing her when I got to his parent's house after the long drive was a total surprise. We just embraced each other and the feelings were very intense. He regrets not having had a camera at the ready to immortalise it. I don't need the picture, my heart still beats that little bit faster when I think about it. Sitting in a rowing boat on the Cherwell while a fellow commuter who worked for a company in the next building was at the oars. He was trying to cheer me up after the worst two weeks of my life. For a moment I took in the young birds, the beauty of the river, the calm and the daze cleared a bit. The automatic pilot came off and I started to live again if only in a not quite complete way. Missing the last train home, going to the house of somebody L and I had only met a few hours before and lying to L's mum about where we were going to spend the night. Sitting down at home with The Boy after coming out of the hospital and suddenly it felt right that he was with me. Kissing Him Indoors for the first time after having plotted for weeks. There was a feeling of things falling into place, as if life was a train which had been put on the tracks it ought to be on.
February Monkey
12.2.04 00:53
|
Martine (12.2.04 01:00) Very evocative stuff... Thanks for participating! |
|
steve (12.2.04 09:01) Ah Santa Pod, used to be there all the time, plus Long Marston. I must build another car, the urge is getting overpowering! |
|
(12.2.04 21:17) That all sounded quite warming. It gave me a yummy feeling inside. We're quite resilient us human beings,being able to put bad things to the back of our brain and recall the good times. Keep thinking of them and I wish you loads more to come. Mark. P.S.Have a sweetie for making me feel good |
|
(14.2.04 00:56) well you know youre in the right palce in your life! |
|
(16.2.04 00:28) Mark. thanks for the sweetie Martine. this month's was a good one. Did not do the January one as the jobs I've held looked prety dull on paper. Steve. I take it you are looking at garage suitability first for the new location after operation move house then ? princess. touch wood. |
