When do we stop craving for our parents' approval? Why is it that even if I know I will not get my father's approval do I still talk to him about my dreams and aspirations? I know he will manage to crush them in 3 seconds flat yet I still do it. I must be a sucker for punishment. The put down is a mixture of clear despise for the choice and certainty I will fail. I have managed to escape for a few minutes. I have just spent the last 2 days tending to his every whims and knowing whatever I do will come under criticism or at best indifference. So far: - it is my fault if the M25 was closed between junction 5 to 6. It is also my fault if my mother decided not to relay my instructions to my father (who had not taken a map) and they had trouble rejoining the M25 from my mother's choice of route. I also have some influence over the reopening of above mentioned section of the motorway and I am clearly being uncooperative by not ensuring it is reopened in time for his lordship's return journey. - no feedback on the food I have served this week-end. Saturday lunch homemade pizza and fruit, dinner roast chicken with the trimmings and a plum brioche, sunday lunch chicken, bacon and spinach pie, tomatoe salad and fruit, sunday dinner confit duck, mash and green salad in walnut dressing, sultana and apple cake with ice cream. I take it it is a good thing. He has only criticised the fact the chicken came from the supermarket and the spinach came from the garden. - contempt has been expressed at the lack of progress in DIY/ buiding/decorating the house. - Areas of messiness have been duly noted with a snigger, areas of tidyiness have been noticed and mocked. - Attempts at serious conversation about my plans for the future have ended up with me walking off with a tight knot in my throat and loads of deep breathing in the kitchen. - Him Indoors has expressed serious doubts over the wisdom of spending Christmas at my parents' house. My sister is organising it I feel I cannot let her down. - Him Indoors has gently updated the countdown before their departure everytime I looked about to burst - "only X hours to go dear, just breathe deeply !". - Him Indoors a reminded me I am a grown up now and I can do what I want and since nothing I can do will ever please him I might as well do as I please. - I found myself humming a tune while taking my dad around his favourite shop and hoping I would not sing the lyrics out loud wihout realising it, they go: "je deteste pour toujours les familles, plus tard je donnerai mes raisons...". Better go out in the Lion's den.
Aaaaaarrrghhhhh!!!!!!!!
14.11.04 22:31
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kat / Website (15.11.04 11:06) Sounds terrible! Why do you even spend time with your dad? I can understand that you don't want to let your sister down on X-mas, but right now? Why the hell do you put yourself through it? Salute to Him Indoors for being so supportive. |
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Jiiiiim!!! / Website (15.11.04 15:06) Ah, les parents - can't live with 'em, can't kill 'em and bury them dans le jardin. Sympathise with you over the Christmas visit but at least you'll have your sister to gang up with against them. These days I tend to let my old folkks just get on with faffing about however they want and try not to let it annoy me. Not always successfully, I must admit. And I usually try to avoid actually being stuck with them on Xmas Day because it's awful. The year they both got slightly drunk in the morning, had a row over something inconsequential and retired to separate bedrooms for the rest of the day, leaving me to cook my own dinner, was actually a good one..... |
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(15.11.04 20:45) remember you willhave the choice of which folks home they go into when marbles and contince fail them! |
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(15.11.04 22:11) Kat... because he is my dad. Also it helps me remember why I put so much distance between our respective homes. Jim: my sister and my bother in law so there should be some compensation. Princess: they will probably outlive me just to spite me. |
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(16.11.04 19:26) Hurrah. Someone else who shares my misery. |
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Daisy / Website (18.11.04 16:39) I'm guessing that he's not the sort of man you sit down and talk to about the way his words affect you? And does he treat your sister in the same way? It's great that Him Indoors is so supportive though. p.s. If you need someone to "appreciate" that wonderful sounding food, just ask... :-0)) |
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(19.11.04 00:22) My family doesn't do talking about feelings. He is just as hard on my brother. My sister is spared of direct its but she is a sensitive soul and she suffers secondhand. |
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Xxxx (1.12.04 23:05) I find that deliberately listing someone's good points to myself helps me to get along with them. Telling them what their good points are helps even more! Telling "The Boy" about his grandfather's good points can only be constructive too. It sounds simplistic, but is unsurprisingly more helpful than reminding yourself what you dislike about someone. |
